Growing old is mandatory: growing up is optional.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Forget the health food, I need all the preservatives I can get.

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes end wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

You’re getting old when you get the some sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

One of life’s mysteries is how two-pound box of sweats con make person gain five pounds.

Every time think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.

God put me or earth to accomplish a certain number of things right now I am so for behind, I will live forever!

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart. Time may be great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.

Amazing! You just bang something in your wardrobe for awhile, and it shrinks two sizes.

Inside some of us is, thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate coke.

The older you get,the tougher it is to loose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting use to yesterday along came today.

It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.